The 10.45 to Cambridge

‘Is this the train for Cambridge’ I asked a man as both he and I boarded.  ‘I think so’ he replied.  I asked another girl in the carriage: ‘Is this train stopping at Cambridge?’  ‘I’m not sure – it’s going to Kings Lynn though ’.  She replied.

We all took our seats.  I put my luggage up on the rack and looked down at the elderly couple I was to sit beside.  ‘We’ve been waiting for you’ he said smiling.  ‘Well, he has’, she added.  I laughed and settled down to read.

20 minutes later a girl approached me: ‘Does this train stop at Cambridge?’ she said.  ‘Yes’ I replied.  She went back to her seat.  The elderly man leaned over towards me and whispered with a raised eyebrow ‘Bit late to be asking that now’.  We chuckled and started talking.

‘We live along The Wash coastline, between two nature reserves’, he said as his wife read the paper.  ‘It’s a wonderful place’ he mused as he gazed into the distance, ‘In the winter thousands of geese come.  They make a beautiful sound – it’s really very emotive’.

‘But, you wouldn’t want to shoot one and eat it’ he continued.’ They’re really horrible to eat.  Do you know the best way to cook one?’  ‘No idea’ I said.  ‘Well, you dig a hole in the ground, bury the goose and then forget where you put it’.  We both giggled.

My phone rang.  ‘Excuse me, I need to answer this’.   He tut tutted.  When I finished talking: ‘I was going to give you bonus points for not using it; do you know the other day a girl talked on her phone all the way from Kings Lynn to Kings Cross about absolutely nothing.  Most extraordinary’.

As we sped past fields of wheat and barley, I said ‘I guess they’ll be harvesting that soon’.  ‘They are already.  Of course it’s all done by contractors using GPS now – the machines are huge, that’s why they’ve got rid of so many hedges – so that they can get them in there’ he replied. ‘That’s sad’ I said, ‘Where’s the connection between man and the land?’.  ‘Oh, the farmer’s still got it, don’t worry’ he said smiling as he looked at me.

I told him I lived in London.  ‘I feel sorry for you. My son does too; so many people.  I rang him up one day and said “We’re going fishing in Scotland – bring robust clothing”.  He came with a friend who’d never been out of London before.  Imagine!  He’d never seen a tree, a lake, fields.  I looked at his shoes – flimsy with a Velcro strap “You’d better not let the gillie see those”. Sure enough, as we trampled over hills and through water, he cried out “I’ve lost my shoe” ‘.  We chuckled.

As we approached Cambridge and the driver announced the train would be dividing there, a bloke swigging out of a beer can called over ‘Do you know which carriage I need to be in for Kings Lynn?’. My new friend and I looked at each other.  You need to know the carriage numbers – and be telepathic – to work that one out, we concluded.

Tuesday’s tube

The lady driver this morning was from Ireland, unmistakeably. Thank the Lord for Irish humour.  People tried not to smile, but by the time we got to Oxford Street laughter could be heard.  Laughter! On the tube!

Her monologue went something like this:

‘Okay, move down the carriages – plenty of room.

‘Right, there was a signal failure on the district line near Fulham earlier, but that was two hours ago so no need to stress out about that’.

‘Now, at Edgeware road there’s only one lift operating – so women and children first.  Just kidding.  Anyway I’m not sure how many there are – two maybe? So when they’re working that’s how many there are…I think’.

‘Okay, we’re approaching Marylebone.  Now this is what I call the tears and tantrums station; people come in from the overground and there’s always a rush to get on and off the train and a very crowded platform.  I’ll keep you informed as we approach the station and let you know what it’s like today’.

‘Right. I’m just going around the corner, oh yeah, it’s pretty busy, hold on to your hats.  Okay, now you might have to get off the train to let others get on – but don’t worry, I can see you – I won’t leave you behind…. okay – everybody on? For the fella at the end of the platform – Mate, do you want to jump on now, we’re about to leave?’.

‘Right, I’m about to close the doors, make sure your bags, ties, coats, whatever aren’t in the way – don’t have me calling the little Japanese men now to poke you all in with a stick.  That’s grand’. .

‘Okay.  Now we’re almost at Oxford Circus.  Em, I’m sure you’re already aware there’s works going on at this station, it means you can’t get into the station before 10.30 because there’s too many people – and the escalators….well.  Anyway it’s going on until next Spring, so get used to it’.

Everyone off?  Have a great day and thanks for using the Bakerloo line’.